The Lovely Shadow Read online

  I nodded my head and said nothing in reply. I was sad to know that my mother had been wrapped up in herself even as a small child, but was not surprised by the fact. The fact that I was not surprised saddened me even more.

  “Now, yo’ Grand-mère and Grand-père, dey pay me to come keep watch over de children when dey was lil’ ‘uns, and I done did fall in love with de June-bug, and I been watchin’ over her ever since.”

  “After her Mère an’ Père pass on in dat house fire,”

  Miss Lilly stopped speaking for a second and crossed herself in a very Catholic fashion before continuing.

  “God rest dey souls, dey was good people. But when dey pass on, June-bug was on’y eighteen year old an’ her was lost in de big ol’ world.”

  “Yo’ mama was a’ready married and had a lil’ child o’ her own, an’ did no’ need nobody else to look after her, but June-bug, her was broken. My man, Louie was still alive den,”

  She crossed herself again and continued, “an’ I was livin’ wit him in our lil’ house, an’ we did no’ have any chillun’ o’ our own. I ask him to let June-bug come stay wit us ‘till she be gettin’ her heart back up to pumpin’ right, an’ he say ‘yeah, dat be fine’. Him love de June-bug too, you see.”

  “So June-bug come stay wit us, an’ her stay wit’ us fo’ six year while her be goin’ to de school. Now while her at de school, her fall in love wit dis man, an’ he promise her de world, so when her’s all done wit de school, her marry dis man and dey buy dis farm. Dey not live here fo’ mo’ den two year before dat man done run out on her.”

  I couldn’t imagine anybody ever wanting to leave June. I’d known her for less than twenty-four hours and already knew I never wanted to leave her.

  “Well dat done broke June-bug’s heart again, but her be a grown woman by dis time, an’ her got a strong spirit. Her did no’ wanna say dat she be hurtin’, an’ lonely, so her ask me if I could maybe come help out aroun’ de place. Now her be tryin’ to pretend dat her’s just bein’ too busy to do it all, but I know’d her was jes’ lonely, so I start comin’ roun’ a couple times a week to help clean up de place, and fix her heart.”

  “Now I been doin’ dat cleanin’ up here and der for a few year, an’ June-bug—I tol’ you her be a strong woman—her got her heart fixed up in no time, an’ her start workin’ hard all de time, so den her really does need me fo’ to take care o’ de place, ‘cause her ain’t got no time to be doin’ it herself.”

  Miss Lilly nodded slightly and looked around the open room while she spoke, as if agreeing with herself that the job of housekeeping really was too big for one woman with a full time job to manage.

  “Den, last year my man, Louie,” Miss Lilly crossed herself, “him done got all burned up with de brain cancer an’ him pass on. Now it be Miss Lilly who be needin’ a heart fixin’, and June-bug, her see dis, an’ her say to me, ‘Lilly, why don’ you move in wit me. I could use de help, an’ you could use a friend. So I packed up my stuff an’ I move in.”

  “But anyway,” Miss Lilly continued, “I be gettin’ away from de main point o’ dis whole story. Yeah, June-bug know about de Voodoo, an’ her’s afraid o’ it, jes’ like mos’ folks is, but her accept it, an’ her accept me too, because her be so full o’ love an’ life. Her ain’t gonna judge nobody, because o’ what dey believe, o’ what dey practice.”

  “Have you ever used your Voodoo to bless June?” I asked.

  Miss Lilly laughed for a second and then said, “No, I ain’t never done no magic on nobody dat did no’ ask for it. An’ June-bug, her ain’t never ask me to do no magic on her, but her did ask me no’ to do none.”

  “An’ now I s’pose I done jes’ made a liar outta myself, by sayin’ I ain’t never done no magic on nodody dat did no’ ask. I done did curse dat boy who be breakin’ June-bug’s heart.”

  As Miss Lilly reminisced in her head about cursing June’s ex-husband, her eyes twinkled with mischievous delight.

  I looked at Miss Lilly through wide, fearful eyes, and asked, “You didn’t… kill him, did you?”

  Miss Lilly broke out into a loud cackle, and slapped her thigh before she answered. “No, o’ course I did no’ be killin’ dat man. But I did be askin’ de spirits to be keepin’ dat cheatin’ part o’ him body soft like a wet noodle fo’ de res’ o’ him life!”

  When she finished speaking she broke out into another burst of fresh laughter. Her laughter was so infectious that I had to laugh with her.

  Miss Lilly finished laughing and got up from the table and said, “Ok, now, Boo, Miss Lilly got some mo’ tings her wanna talk to you ‘bout, but I don’ wanna do it wit all de dishes bein’ dirty an’ drawin’ de flies.”

  “Oh,” I said, and got up from the table as well. “Ok, then. I’ll just go explore the rest of the house until you’re ready then.”

  “Oh de Hell you will Child!” Miss Lilly said sternly but not unkindly, “You done ate food off o’ dem dishes, jes’ de same as I did, an’ now you gonna help me wit de cleanin’.”

  I was somewhat shocked by Miss Lilly’s sudden sternness. I had already assessed that she was a woman of strength and character, but I had not known that she was also strict. I was happy to be helpful, however, since I was really enjoying her company, and I was so thankful for all the blessings that had so suddenly been bestowed upon me that I felt anything I could offer back as a kindness to the women who had helped me was but a small drop in the bucket of what I owed them.

  CHAPTER 16

  When Miss Lilly got to working, she spoke very little, but she sang a lot. She sang in French, in wild melodies that made my heart leap in my chest even though I could not understand a single word. I soon found myself humming along to the tunes she was singing.

  The washing, drying and putting away of dishes was done quickly and efficiently and had actually been quite a fun task. I had just put away the last dish and turned around to see Miss Lilly wiping her hands on her big apron and staring at me, quizzically.

  I immediately felt self conscious and wondered if I had a booger hanging out of my nose. I stared back at Miss Lilly and wiped a hand somewhat surreptitiously across my nose. Miss Lilly still said nothing, but continued to look at me, as if trying to scry my very thoughts out of my head.

  Finally she shook her head slightly, the way you’d do if a fly had landed on your ear, and she took off her apron and hung it on a hook beside the double bar doors that led out of the kitchen.

  “Come have a sit down wit’ me, Child. I wan’ ask you some tings, and don’ much feel like standin’ on my tootsies while we be talkin’” Miss Lilly said. Then she headed through the swinging doors.

  I followed her out the doors, past the dining area and into the sitting area with the couches. Miss Lilly sat on the far couch, and I sat on the near one, directly across from her. She sat there staring at me again, like she had in the kitchen and I began to feel uncomfortable, thinking I was in trouble for something.

  I was just getting ready to ask her what I’d done wrong when she finally spoke.

  “Tell me, Child, how long you be havin’ de eye?”

  In return I asked, “Which one? I was born with both of them, Miss Lilly.”

  She smiled at my obvious confusion and said, “Not de eyeballs you got in you head, Boo, but de eye dat see de Shadow.”

  At the word shadow, my memory flashed a scene of the shadow that had passed in front of the upstairs window, but I assumed that had been my imagination and certainly could not be what she was referring to, so I said, “I don’t understand, Miss Lilly. The only eyes I have are these.”

  I pointed to my eyes for emphasis.

  “No, Child, you got de eye a’right. I can see dat when I look at you; I can feel dat when I touch you. De eye is inside you. You got de eye dat be seein’ de Lovely Shadow.”

  I still didn’t have the foggiest idea what she was talking about.

  “What’s the Lovely Shadow?”

  Miss Lilly paused befor
e answering, whether to gather her thoughts to give a proper description or wrestling with herself over whether or not to tell me, I don’t know. But at last she focused her attention on me and said, “De Lovely Shadow, Child, be de soul o’ de dead. De soul o’ dem dat has died, but did no’ move on to de other side o’, maybe jes’ come back fo’ a visit. Either way dey be hangin’ roun’ here fo’ some reason’ o’ another. But nobody know dey here, unless dey got de eye to be seein’ dem an’ de shadow be wantin’ to be seen. An’ you, Boo, you got de eye.”

  Miss Lilly nodded gravely at me as she finished her explanation, and I simply sat there staring dumbly at her, processing what she was saying.

  Finally, all the wheels and cogs in my brain slipped into the right places and I understood, and I said, “So, you mean, like…a ghost, right?”

  Miss Lilly smiled, and nodded enthusiastically as she said, “Dat’s right, Child; a ghost. But I don’ never be likin’ dat word ‘ghost’. Dat word always be givin’ me de creeps.”

  Miss Lilly laughed as she finished speaking about the word ‘ghost’. But I was as confused and curious as ever so I did what I do best; I asked more questions.

  “Why does that word give you the creeps, Miss Lilly? I mean, if you’re ok with saying that the Shadow is the soul of the dead, and a ghost is just another word for the Shadow, why should the word, ghost, be scary and the word, Shadow, not be scary?”

  Miss Lilly laughed again before answering. “I don’ know, Child. I guess de word ghost always be bringin’ to mind someting evil, but de Shadow is no’ evil, de Shadow is lovely. De Shadow is a beautiful ting, dat don’ belong here, but here it is anyway, givin’ us hope dat all we believe about de afterlife be true; givin’ us proof dat de soul keep on livin’ after de body done been fed to de worms.”

  “Do you have the eye?” I asked Miss Lilly.

  “Sometime I do, Child,” she replied, “but I was no’ born wit de eye, I got it by askin’ for it, an’ sometime de spirits be lettin’ me have it, an’ sometime dey don’t.”

  “How did I get it?”

  Miss Lilly pondered that for a second before answering.

  “I tink, Boo, dat you were no’ born wit de eye either. I think de eye was given to you in de darkness, to help you see dat there is still light in de world, an’ keep you from goin’ dark on de inside, from de dark dat be shoved on you from de outside.”

  “I saw my brother when I was in the basement!” I said, suddenly believing that what she said was true, and right. “But he didn’t seem like a gho…Shadow. He seemed like something more real.”

  I gave her a quick account of my experiences with Joe from the basement.

  “You right, Child. You brother, him no’ bein’ no Shadow. Him done moved over to de other side, an’ when him come see you in de dark, dat be someting special. Now maybe he be givin’ you de eye, o’ maybe no’, but either way, you got de eye.”

  “An’ you brother, him was no’ happy to jes’ leave you in dat dark neither! He be comin’ to June-bug in her dreams to get her to come find you. An’ when June-bug tell me ‘bout dem dreams, her be thinkin’ dat dey just dreams, an’ I tell her dat dey soundin’ like someting else, an’ den her be gettin’ scared.”

  “I done tol’ her dat her need to be goin’ to dat house, to find de boy who be in de dark, an’ June-bug try to get out o’ doin’ it, fo’ ‘cause her was scared. But I tol’ her der was nuttin’ to be scared abou’, dat dis boy who be seein’ her in her sleep was no’ bad, but him was good. And him needed her help. So her finally decide dat her goin’ to go an’ see dis house, an’ den she come home wit you, an’ Miss Lilly be singin’ a song o’ joy in her heart when she be seein’ you all safe an’ soun’.”

  When she finished speaking, Miss Lilly got up and walked around the coffee table to where I was sitting and motioned for me to get up. When I did as she’d requested she wrapped me in a huge full body hug that was warm and soft and somewhat smothering.

  Then she said, “Johnny, I know dat you be seein’ mo’ pain den is right fo’ anybody yo’ age to be seein’, but I see dat you got de same heart as June-bug, an’ I happy to see it.”

  “De world is a dark place, an’ without dat light you got inside you, it be lookin’ dat much darker. You got de eye to be seein’ de Lovely Shadow. An’ dey be Shadows all aroun’. Most o’ dem be just as lost an’ afraid an’ trapped in de dark as you was, but you can help dem.”

  “Dey gonna come to you, because you can see dem, an’ since you can see dem, dat means dey can see you too. Dey can no’ always see de livin’, but dey can always see de livin dat got de eye to be seein’ dem. When dey come to you, don’ be scared o’ dem, but try to help dem, de way you brother help you when you was in de dark.”

  I agreed to do my best, not having the slightest clue what that really meant, and Miss Lilly said it was time for her afternoon nap. She admonished me to behave myself while she was resting, and I again agreed, and then she carried herself up the stairs (with far more grace than a woman of her size should have been able to) and went to bed.

  CHAPTER 17

  I had the afternoon all to myself, and had no idea what I was going to do with it. I wanted to go outside and explore a little as I was pretty tired of being cooped up indoors, but I didn’t have any shoes.

  I opened the front door and looked outside. My eyes were still rather sensitive to light and I squinted as I peered out at the big, bright world that was hiding beyond the entryway to the house.

  The warm sunlight flowed over my body through the opened door, seeming to warm me to my very bones. I could hear the cicadas buzzing in the distance, and the smell of fresh grass filled my nostrils. When a large yellow and black butterfly drifted lazily past my field of vision, I made up my mind.

  There was just no way I could stay indoors on a day like this.

  I took off my socks so I would not ruin them and headed down the steps out onto the lawn. The grass was just about ready for a cutting and felt cool and heavenly as it poked up between my naked toes.

  I went out to the middle of the large lawn and lay down, staring up at the sky. The warm sun made me feel lazy, and the fresh air filled me with a new love for life. Although most people would eventually get bored just laying in one spot and not moving, I felt like I could spend the rest of my life there.

  There were only a few clouds drifting lazily by in the vast expanse of bright blue sky, and they, like everything else I was able to see, were tinged with a fuzzy haze around their edges. I wondered about my eyes as I stared at the clouds.

  I had at first assumed that the auras around objects in my vision was simply a result of having been locked in the dark for so long; my eyes having difficulty adjusting to the world of light that most people take for granted. But now I wondered if the auras were a result of having been granted the ‘eye’.

  I wasn’t really certain that I had the ‘eye’, but at the same time had no reason to believe that Miss Lilly would make something like that up. There was no reason for her to lie to me, for the lie would have served no purpose.

  If she were a mean spirited person, which she most certainly wasn’t, she could have made something like that up just to try and scare me, but she hadn’t done that. In fact, she had made sure to disseminate the information in a reassuring manner so as not to spook me.

  Also, she had nothing to gain by me going around believing that I could see phantoms. It wasn’t as if she could hire me up for the carnival and have people toss quarters to her while I went out looking for their dead relatives.

  Since I could not think of a single good reason for Miss Lilly to lie—and didn’t think that the sweet old woman was even capable of such deceit—I had to assume that she was telling the truth, and that with that truth came the very real possibility that I may have occasion to meet some very interesting—albeit dead—people in the future.

  I struggled with the idea of seeing dead people. Part of me thought that it seemed macabre and frighten
ing, while the other part of me believed what Miss Lilly had said about them needing help.

  I knew what it was to be lost in the dark and could not imagine being lost in the dark for eternity, as the souls of the dead that hadn’t moved on would undoubtedly be unless someone helped them, so I made my mind up to embrace the ‘eye’ and try to help when I could.

  Having made my mind up about my peculiar gift and how I’d use it, I relaxed and soaked up as much sun as I could until I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt of shadows playing across windows.

  I awoke when a light cool breeze brushed gently across the left side of my face. It felt refreshing and lovely, like cool silk draped lightly across warm skin. I opened my eyes and looked around.

  I could not see the trees in the distance swaying with the breeze, nor a single blade of grass twitching with the momentum of moving air, but for just a second longer, the breeze touched my cheek, and then swirled off to wherever it is that the wind goes, carrying with it a scent of wild roses.

  When I had fallen asleep the sun had been almost directly overhead; when I woke up it had traveled roughly a quarter of the way towards the western horizon. I guessed I’d slept for about two hours.

  The nap had refreshed my mind and made it difficult to think of things like mysterious inner eyes, and Lovely Shadows.

  My need for fresh air and sunshine abated for the time being, I headed back towards the house to search for a snack. Although I’d eaten nearly to the point of making myself sick at breakfast, I found that I was already ravenously hungry again.

  As soon as I entered the front door I smelled something delicious coming from the kitchen and immediately headed that direction.

  I entered the kitchen to find Miss Lilly back in her apron and hovering over the stove. When I entered she turned around and gave me an award worthy toothy smile. Her face lit up as she smiled, and she said, “Well it abou’ time you done waked youself up. I done thought you was dead out there an’ I was afraid I was gonna have to give you de mouth to mouth.